Your Own Private Afghanistgan

According to Fox News today, mother fuckers are dying in Afghanistan. I don’t mean just, US, British, Afghan civilians, militant warlords—I mean EVERY fucking body. I haven’t heard too much about embedded media fucks this time around. I mean, there are likely some there, but these cats are the ones with facial ticks, with wives so fucked up they’d rather eat lead in 140 degree heat than deal with their Paxil gobbling , low libido, whiny fucking fat asses. Where was I?

Oh, yea so all these fuckers are all together on this burned out scab of a country killing each other. Does anyone have any answers into…oh….errr……WTF is going on!! <--TWO exclamation points…you knew that shit was coming! Have we all gone completely fucking dumb due to the florescent lights down at the Super Wal-Mart?

\Note: the wife recently informed me that the Wal-Mart, red-vested mother fuckers have started painting the inside of their stores green. Obviously, that can’t be…must have been the PBR interacting with my meds again.

But, yea, so, in Afghan last month a whole school bus of elementary school kids get blown to the holy land. If our countries are so dumb as to participate in this mutual fucking self slaughter of astronomical proportions, shouldn’t they at least get the kids out? Most Americans didn't pick up on this news because they were too busy being jacked off by the media while being force fed all things Michael Jackson.

WTF is the US doing in that piece anyway? Are we still fucking working that pipe-line angle? Global positioning? New & inventive ways to drain the fucking economy? Who fucking knows really?

And I know some right-wing, religious nut, abortion doctor killer is going to go on and on about how we are stopping terrorism at its root. They can talk about how US efforts have culminated in zero attacks in the US since 911.

And maybe they’re right. Perhaps we should continue to act out of fear until there is nothing left of the great nation our founding fathers provided. We can all continue to watch reality tv, get into fist fights over NFL games, and walk around supermarkets with our blue tooth gadgets attached to our empty fucking melons.

Listen, between the US & the former Soviet Block heads, nothing is left of Afghanistan other than a huge fucking parking lot without the black-top. You’re not fighting a war on terror any more than we were halting the spread of communism during Vietnam. You cannot physically beat idealism. And surely invading their holy land & killing bitches will not endear us in the deranged mind of a terrorist. “I was gonna blow your shit up, but now, uh, we’re cool.”

But this gets interesting: according to the AP article, “A police chief in a neighboring province said a Western airstrike Wednesday night killed five farmers loading cucumbers into a taxi. The U.S. initially said the men were militants who had been seen placing weapons into a van. The American military said later in the day that they had been seen planting wire-controlled roadside bombs.”

And later that day they were seen throwing radio-active camel poop at each other. So, yea, I’m asking the same question you are right now: with all this sinister “James Bond” shit going on, why fuck with the cucumbers? When this reporter inquired of said farmer, he replied mockingly, “Bitches gotta eat, yo!” No not really, I made that last part up.

But there HAS been a measurable drop in volunteerism at local cucumber farms. Naw, I made that shit up too.

And , look, man, I’m not fucking busting balls, or making light over the loss of US service members. I’m just really fucking pissed that whatever lame ass angle our government is propagating in that wasteland, over in that fucking cesspool, that our proud US men & women are paying the ultimate price.
Folks, people die in Afghanistan. It’s where one goes. It’s like going to Wal-Mart for brain damage, or McDonalds for heart failure. It’s a fucking dying ground, a killing field, and it must be stopped.

Fuck, I thought all this was over when Bush flew in on a jet fighting cock, stood like a peacock in a crotch hugging flight suit and announced victory.


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